The only way to make sense of change is to Plunge into it, move with it and dance with it. ~Alan Watts

Has A Difficult Loss Left You Questioning Yourself Or Your Future?

Are you overwhelmed by grief and sorrow? Perhaps you were caught off guard by a sudden loss, career-change, or medical diagnosis, and your sense of safety and confidence has been shattered. Or maybe you thought you were prepared for the change, but now it feels like there’s a dark cloud overhead and a heavy weight on your chest.

Are painful memories making it hard to focus at work or at home? You might go through each day feeling disoriented, frustrated, or angry to the point that it has begun affecting your relationships or career. In an effort to avoid distressing triggers or difficult conversations, you may have started withdrawing from activities and friendships you used to enjoy. Or maybe you think you need to put on a brave face and “fake it until you make it,” but that has only left you feeling more disconnected from yourself and others.

Making things more difficult, you might feel guilty or ashamed at how you reacted to the loss. Maybe you felt a sense of relief at the end of a difficult relationship or you’re excited about the opportunities ahead of you, but a part of you believes you should still be grieving. Alternately, you may have spent months or years coping with grief and loss, only to hear that you “need to move on.”

Do you wish you knew how to move on from the loss and start feeling like yourself again?

We All Experience Loss, But That Doesn’t Make It Any Easier To Navigate

Loss is a natural part of life that we all go through, regardless of age, education, or socioeconomic status. Even when we aren’t surprised by a divorce, health scare, or sudden career change, it can still shatter our sense of safety. Unfortunately, many of us were raised to believe that we need to navigate the grieving process on our own and that asking for help or taking too much time to recover is a sign of weakness. This is especially true during times of crisis, like the current COVID-19 pandemic. We may mourn the loss of the life we had before but feel ashamed for grieving when we know other people have it worse.

The truth is that we all grieve in our own way and for our own reasons. There is no set timeline for recovering from a loss, and the steps that help one person heal may not work for someone else. Or what helps us heal in one situation may not work in another. Yet, we see others recover quickly and believe we should be able to do the same. Or we are so busy with personal and professional obligations that we don’t give ourselves time to grieve.

Perhaps you have reached out to family or friends for support only to be told that “it’s time to move on.” You know things can get better, but how can you feel hopeful about the future when even asking for help leaves you feeling ashamed or embarrassed?

Thankfully, talking to a grief counselor can give you the practical guidance and support you need to honor your memories while learning how to function and express your needs clearly again.

Grief Counseling Can Help You Feel Like Yourself Again

Throughout our work together, and whether we meet in-person or online, I foster a safe and supportive environment where you can feel comfortable sharing your needs without fear of judgment. The pain you feel after a loss honors the love, relationships, and hopes you had. And when you give yourself permission to be present with your experience—instead of denying the pain—you can learn to process it and make sense of what happened. You can learn to move forward and find balance without letting go or losing your connection.

I recognize that there is no “right way” to grieve, and one of the most important steps you can take is to find a grief therapist you trust and who will honor your unique journey. That’s why I use our first session to get to know you and understand where you are in the grieving process. Rather than asking you to follow a set process, I tailor each session to your needs and goals. And because I provide a safe space where you can experience bottled up emotion, practice new skills, tools, and strategies, you can learn to identify and work through challenges that you may not have been aware of or that you may have been actively avoiding.

Throughout our work together, I take an integrative approach that helps address your whole being: mind, body, and heart. By introducing breathing practices and mindfulness, you can recognize where you hold grief in the body and learn to release tension before it becomes overwhelming. Through emotional regulation, you give yourself permission to feel without fear or self-judgment and learn to embrace your emotions as a source of strength and growth. And by incorporating storytelling during sessions, you can reflect on the narrative you have been telling yourself (for example, that you can’t move on) and visualize a new direction you want your story to take from here. You can honor your pain, thoughts, and behaviors while making healthy lifestyle changes that bring you from where you are now to where you want to be.

I have been helping teens, adults, and families navigate the grieving process for over 25 years. During that time, as a social worker, hospice worker, and now as a grief counselor, I have seen how important it is to feel accepted and supported while coping with a loss. And I know that no matter how difficult things may seem right now, there is a path to hope and healing. With the right guidance and support, you can live the life you want while continuing to honor the memory of what you had.

You may still have questions about grief and loss counseling…

Shouldn’t I be able to figure this out on my own?

We often take great pride in extending ourselves to support others in their time of need. At the same time, we tend to refuse or deny our own pain, believing we should be able to overcome any challenges on our own. By treating yourself as if you were a close friend—with care and compassion—you allow yourself to accept the support that you would be so willing to give to others.

This happened so long ago. It shouldn’t bother me anymore.

The grieving process doesn’t follow a set timeline. And while one person may recover from a loss in a few months, it may take others years to feel like themselves again. The greatest gift you can give yourself is permission to see that your experience is valid, no matter when the loss occurred. When you give yourself space to process your pain, you’re also creating a safe space where you can begin moving toward the life you want to lead.

I’m worried talking about things in grief counseling will just make me feel worse.

It’s natural to want to avoid talking about a painful loss. But trying to ignore or numb the pain can actually keep you stuck in place or even become an additional source of stress and anxiety. Chances are grief is already interrupting your life—either keeping you from doing things you love or leaving you feeling isolated and misunderstood. By working with a grief counselor, you’re giving yourself a safe space to work toward meaningful and lasting healing. As I tell many of my clients, “The only way through it is through it”, but you don’t go through it alone. I will support you and provide a compassionate presence to the grief and the healing.

You Can Learn To Live With Confidence Again

Whether you are in Hawaii, Maui, Molokai, Oahu, or Kauai, online grief counseling means you can get the support you need when you need it. If you could use help navigating a difficult or painful loss or transition, I invite you to call 808-351-5311 or contact me online to schedule your first session.